When we first launched our business, I had to lead a major stakeholder call. It was something I spent hours preparing for because it depended so much on it. Spoiler alert:it was a disaster.
Related: How choking under pressure can be a good thing
The conference call software we were using limited us to 26 people, which I unfortunately forgot. It wasn't until after the meeting started and I started getting messages from people telling me they couldn't connect to the call that I realized there was a problem.
The software had a webinar feature which allowed us to include more people, but I had to scramble to get everyone this information. I had to email the new access codes while simultaneously explaining to those on the phone what they needed to do.
By the time everyone was on the same call, we had 20 minutes of late and I was exhausted. Secretly, I just wanted to reprogram so I could recover from a mistake of such magnitude. But I felt an obligation to those in attendance – not to mention, an obligation to my business and what it stood for.
I cared too much about the failure of that call.
I channeled my stress and continued the call. It wasn't about ignoring what had happened, but rather moving forward with confidence despite what had happened.
Once it was all over, I received several emails from people applauding the way I had handled the situation. Although I enjoyed the messages, they surprised me. I was also surprised to learn that what I did that day turned out to be a proven plan of action.
In fact, 2016 research from Cornell University found that when you're in a stressful situation, reframing your distress as a passion makes you seem more competent. In other words, shift your emotions from negative to positive.
The question, however, is how?
Related: How Successful People Can Beat Stress
Here are some do's and don'ts for surviving a stressful situation.
1. Don't hold back your emotions.
It's tempting to keep a rigid upper lip in a difficult situation. But it can affect how people see you as a leader. Research conducted by my company, Skyline Group International, Inc., found that employees believe showing an appropriate amount of emotion is 40% more effective than being stoic or unemotional.
Logically, this has sense. When something unexpected or stressful happens, others around you will notice. Pretending that nothing happened seems genuine. When a situation warrants a reaction, react.
What matters is how you channel your emotions. Just as distress can become passion, nervousness can become excitement, and frustration can be expressed as drive and determination.
Take a moment and ask yourself, How can I turn this negative feeling into something something positive? This will preserve your reputation as a leader.
2. Stand tall.
There's a reason people say to keep your head up. Research published in Health Psychology found that good posture in the face of stress can help you maintain your self-esteem and increase your positive mood. Slumping makes you feel doubt and fear.
Standing up sends a message to your mind that you are confident and capable, which in turn sends a similar message to your employees. It also shows those around you that you won't let stressful situations get the better of you.
3. Don't Apologize Too Much
Nothing projects self-doubt like saying "I'm sorry" over and over. It simultaneously sends a message that you are not in control of the situation and accepts blame for what happened. It makes you appear incompetent as a leader.
Often in stressful situations, mistakes are not your fault. Technology fails. Accidents happen. But instead of apologizing, indicate that you are still calm and in control. Instead of offering sorry after sorry, say something like, “We hit a traffic accident, but I'll have the solution in a minute.”
Let everyone know you're fixing the problem shows that you are still in charge. You don't unravel, but you move forward calmly.
4. Admit the mistake.
Unfortunately, sometimes stress is caused by your actions. Although apologizing too much is still not a smart option, nor is ignoring your mistake. In such situations, hold yourself accountable. Admit your mistake, but also have a way to move past it.
Looking at my personal example, this is what made me successful. There was no denying that I dropped the ball forgetting the participant limit. I had to recognize this fact. But then I was ready to find a way to keep going.
Taking responsibility for your mistakes also provides another benefit to leaders:trust. Facing up to how you failed, instead of relying on your money, shows your employees that they can still trust your honesty.
Related: 6 communication skills that will make you a better leader
