Melissa Thrailkill, a family law attorney in private practice in Dallas, loves the independence of being her own boss. She thrives on helping clients without office politics or forced socializing. "I'm not going on the executive director's sailboat if that's not my idea of a fun Saturday," she says.
Yet, she's often unhappy. Pulled in countless directions by routine tasks like document drafting, she finds the work boring despite its impact. "I'm not fulfilling my potential," she admits, and no matter how hard she hustles, the income doesn't feel secure enough.
Should she join a established law firm or adjust her attitude? This dilemma is common.
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Deciding is tough. Many blame the job or colleagues first, overlooking personal factors, notes Lisa Sansom, a business coach with a master's in applied positive psychology. "We assume the situation is beyond our control," she explains.
Thrailkill recognizes this trap from her younger years: "In my 20s and early 30s, I never thought my attitude was the issue. Life experience changes that."
Start by assessing your life holistically. Amid divorce, grief, or financial strain, job-hopping adds chaos. Dallas psychologist Delane Kinney warns, "Desperation clouds judgment; your brain loses perspective."
Kerry Wekelo, managing director of HR and operations at Actualize Consulting in Reston, Va., nearly quit after a personal loss. Questioning her marriage and job, she considered yoga teaching but stayed for financial stability as a single mom. Instead, she shifted her mindset.
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Awareness of needed changes is key. Next, seek advice. Sansom advises entrepreneurs to build a "board of mentors" for regular reality checks.
For Thrailkill, Sansom might recommend setting income goals, time boundaries, and tiered pricing to serve low-income clients while boosting earnings.
Consider James Pawelski, Ph.D.'s red-cloak-green-cloak framework from Sansom's University of Pennsylvania positive psychology studies. Red cloak stops negatives (e.g., address a micromanager via HR). Green cloak amplifies positives (e.g., colleagues, salary, community impact). Which to choose?
Wekelo examined internal and external factors. Unhappy with her firm's culture—especially hiring into it—she read Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute. It inspired accountability. She pitched improvements to her brother, a founding partner; the firm adopted them, culture thrived, and she stayed. Wekelo later authored Culture Infusion: 9 Principles for Creating and Sustaining a Thriving Company Culture.
Sometimes, change is essential. Lori Cheek, after a master's in architecture, held glamorous roles like store planning for Christian Dior, traveling to Paris and beyond. But daily fears—over lateness, attire, lunches, or socializing—drained her. Corporate stress persisted across sales jobs.
Laid off, she launched dating app Cheekd, connecting nearby users. It's demanding, but rewarding. "I love my lifestyle now—excited to wake up and open my computer," she says.
Related: 5 Lessons on How to Make a Successful Career Change
For some, mindset wins; for others, a new path. Carefully weigh all angles before deciding.
This article originally appeared in the Fall 2018 issue of LadiesBelle I/O magazine.
