In two weeks I will start with the first acquaintance at my new work! The Supervisory Board meets that day, in short, jumping in at the deep end. Yay, that's something for me, a kind of story of my life. But it still gives a mixed feeling. It makes me happy to be part of society again, but I also feel guilty towards my child.
Many mothers suffer from this. The feeling of guilt cannot be washed away and mainly arises in the first years that a mother wants to work while she has small children. It gives a mixed feeling and mothers often have no influence on this, even if there is just a babysitter in the house or children go to daycare. †
Nikkie was very emotional beforehand. She tells more about it below.
The emotional part is mainly because I have been in the Netherlands for almost a whole week and we enjoyed it so much, that for me the 'farewell' and the lack are actually worse than all the other times!
It's about time I go to work, then at least I won't have all day to think about this! I am so ready for a different interpretation of my day than just the household and being together with our son. But this immediately gives a double feeling! I want to work so much, I am so ready to develop myself again. And of course I would like to broaden my world again compared to just this house and its walls. Working from home alone would therefore not be for me.
I really see this temporary job as the start of my life here in Luxembourg, not yet as a career switch. On the other hand, I really don't want to miss out on our son's development! We have so much fun together and I think we have a really strong bond. And there come the tears and that double feeling. I know that if I sell myself short, I will eventually become unhappy and therefore not be able to keep my partner and child happy. But am I not selling my sweet little big tough guy too short when I go to work?
My mind screams; 'NEW!!"
My heart screams; 'Maybe'
Mentally I know that I have to bite the bullet and that we will find our way in our new rhythm. It is therefore not more or less. This unique opportunity (!) for a part-time job in Luxembourg is something I will grab with both hands and so will myself. Get rid of that double feeling and all those superfluous emotions. *speaks to himself*
Do you recognize that too? Did you also have such mixed feelings when you went back to work?
This is a somewhat older article that was updated on June 4, 2020
