This article doesn't start with a textbook definition of a "male ally" in the workplace. Instead, I'll clarify what I'm not. A male ally isn't a superhero in a cape, seeking applause for basic decency. True allyship requires small, consistent efforts fueled by genuine empathy.
We often focus on overt discrimination grabbing headlines—and rightfully so, as it's unacceptable. Yet these stem from subtler institutional biases creating uneven playing fields. Women encounter micro-inequities daily, not just in offices but among entrepreneurs and freelancers too. Just because it's invisible doesn't mean it's not felt; just because it's unconscious doesn't mean you're not contributing.
Like many men, I long considered myself an ally. But condemning overt sexism is table stakes. I've collaborated with countless women throughout my career, benefiting professionally from those partnerships. Still, I questioned: Did I merely sympathize passively? What more could I do?
To answer, I reviewed research and interviewed women across industries—on and off the record—plus subject-matter experts. I listened actively and took notes. Here's what I learned, categorized into perceptions (real and imagined), circumstances, mentorship, and defensive walls. These aren't universal, but they're common, backed by anecdotes and data.
If this reads as man-to-man advice, it's intentional—many women already know this terrain. Ignorance is no longer an excuse. Consider this a wake-up call.
Perceptions (Real and Imagined)
Success demands confidence: "Own the room." But perceptions are double-edged. Confident women risk labels like "bossy," "brassy," or "cold."
Perceived modesty surfaced repeatedly. Sarah Kessler, author of Gigged: The End of Jobs and the Future of Work, notes freelancers must self-promote. "Women tend to be more modest due to societal double binds," explains Jeannie Yandel, co-host of Tactics for Your Sexist Workplace. Too assertive? Bossy. Too nice? Pushover.
"A woman's statement might read as bragging if said by a man," Kessler adds. A Hewlett Packard study found women apply only when meeting 100% of qualifications; men, 60%.
Related: Why Women Struggle With Confidence More Than Men
Men can counter this in meetings, where ideas launch but interruptions thrive. Ensure credit flows correctly—no power needed. "Peer recognition matters," says Kessler. Amplify women who self-promote less; it's self-preservation, not insecurity.
This isn't charity—it's fairness. Perceptions stall careers and pay. As a freelancer, I agonize over perceptions affecting my livelihood. Women navigate this routinely, per research.
Circumstances
Equality means considering contexts, not just sameness. Brittany Cobb, founder/CEO of Flea Style—a thriving lifestyle brand—balances business growth with parenting her young kids.
"My husband and I run businesses, but I handle all home duties," she shares. She chooses this, but "mommy guilt" weighs heavier than "daddy guilt"—a cultural norm.
Schedule mindfully. Cobb notes post-work drinks exclude parents. Informal networking often sidelines women. Ruchika Tulshyan, author of The Diversity Advantage, agrees: "Drinks at 5 p.m.? Not always feasible."
Career bonds form casually. If your off-hours circle is male-only, reflect. Invite inclusively—no authority required. "Suggest breakfast over bar nights," Tulshyan advises. Men risk less pushing back.
Mentorship
Success owes much to mentors. Men disproportionately mentor men, per research—gut biases favor "people like us." With men holding more power (board seats, funding), this perpetuates cycles.
Male-to-female mentorship uniquely tackles pay gaps. Share rates transparently. "Freelance worth is opaque," Kessler says. "Discussing pay must normalize," adds Tulshyan.
"Answer honestly," Yandel urges men. "We'd all mentor family—extend it professionally." Cobb: "Would you want your daughter treated this way?"
Related: How to Excel as a Mentor or Mentee
Tear Down Those Walls
Awareness means open dialogue. Don't dismiss feedback defensively. "Being called out terrifies," Yandel admits, "but listen—it's courageous for them to speak."
Empathize: Marginalized voices risk backlash. I caught myself interrupting interviewees—unintentional, yet telling. Pause, listen fully.
Women face harsher issues like pay disparities, harassment. You may not cause them, but address micro-biases: listen, understand, act.
The good news? We're all capable.
Related: What can men do to support women in leadership positions?
This article originally appeared in the Summer 2019 issue of LadiesBelle I/O magazine.
