These days, I interview fascinating strangers four times a week for millions of listeners on The Jordan Harbinger Show. But no one could have predicted that trajectory from my childhood.
As a kid, crippling social anxiety left me deeply uncomfortable around others. I skipped school often—not as the rebellious cool kid joyriding in Ferraris or cruising museums (think Bueller... Bueller...), but as the uncool one my parents found playing video games in my underwear when they got home.
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Somehow, I graduated high school and earned a spot at the University of Michigan. Yet, as my friends landed exciting jobs post-graduation, I felt directionless despite my degree. After half-hearted job hunts, I enrolled in law school—everyone assured me it'd guarantee employment and buy three more years to figure life out.
Soon, I landed at a top Wall Street law firm, surrounded by brilliant, driven colleagues. This sparked intense impostor syndrome: I was sure I'd slipped through the cracks. Law wasn't improving, and my edges in hustle and street smarts vanished amid equally hardworking peers.
Dave changed everything. A perpetually tanned Brooklyn lawyer rarely seen in the office, he'd hired and was supposed to mentor me. Curious, I asked HR about his absence. He gladly scheduled our mandatory summer session, and there we were, coffee in hand, as he hammered away on an ancient BlackBerry.
"So," I blurted nervously, "why aren't you ever in the office?"
He paused, leaning in: "Who says I'm not?"
I backpedaled, mentioning I'd heard he was scarce and asking his secret.
"The secret? I bring in the deals that keep this place running." He then shared stories of Hamptons meetings, charity cruises, and Florida golf outings—all avenues to connect with potential clients. Dave layered elite social skills atop his legal expertise, earning to network while I combed 1,800-page documents for stray commas.
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This encounter ignited my passion for social dynamics. I didn't copy Dave exactly but harnessed his networking matrix, recognizing the power of intentional personal connections.
At the time, I co-founded The Art of Charm, a training company (and podcast) empowering people to conquer self-doubt, boost careers, strengthen families, and excel in dating through social savvy.
We distilled our teachings into two mantras. The first, flipping Alec Baldwin's Glengarry Glen Ross "Always Be Closing" to "Always Give."
As my network grew, I passed on transactional deals. No card-flinging schmoozing—I built genuine bonds with quality people, leading with value, never keeping score.
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This aligns with our tagline: "Leave everything better than you found it." Far from vague platitudes like "just be yourself," it demands concrete generosity in every interaction—not for quick wins, but lifelong impact. Focusing outward yields inbound opportunities.
Last spring, a colleague snagged a star hire from happy-hour chit-chat. Top networkers seem 'lucky,' but it's skill: openness, follow-through, score-free giving. Networking isn't an event—it's a mindset reinforcing constant generosity.
My Art of Charm guests have elevated as I've become the host experts trust—practicing deep, value-packed conversations beyond clichéd questions. It's my livelihood, so I live it daily. Witnessing guests' selfless habits reaffirms our path.
Related: How to build good relationships
This article originally appeared in the February 2018 issue of SUCCESS magazine.
