"Network your way to the top!"
"Always say yes!"
"Never eat alone!"
"Get out there!"
If you're an introvert like me, you've heard this advice countless times. If you're ambitious, you might believe success demands being "on" 24/7—pressing the flesh, closing deals, tweeting nonstop, and hosting conferences. You might think there's a single "successful type": the intense, sleepless hustler who never stops. If that doesn't describe you, you could feel out of luck.
I call bullshit.
Much of what we think we must do for success is useless—or counterproductive. I've interviewed over 150 successful entrepreneurs and leaders for my book and podcast, and most aren't the always-on extroverts we imagine. A media CEO whose videos have exceeded 100 million views shared her anxiety in unfamiliar rooms: "I go into awkward college mode." A biotech founder who just secured Series A funding hides in bathrooms at conferences—"usually because I cry." A former Wall Street banker turned tech startup CEO takes beta blockers for public speaking.
Related: Survival tips for introverts
Then there's me: a natural hermit and extreme introvert, far more at home with my kids, cats, and kitchen than schmoozing. Hosting meetings or speeches drains me. For client meetings or talks, I pop anti-anxiety meds just to function. I manage social media minimally to stay relevant. Yet I own and drive sales for a successful business.
"Hiding in the bathroom" became my hack for navigating the extroverted business world. Early on, I'd panic in crowds and bolt for the restroom. Now, I use these moments to reset: breathe, apply lipstick, and tell myself in the mirror, You can do this. Go.
Becoming my own kind of entrepreneur
As a kid, I dreamed of being a media mogul—Sherry Lansing's photo adorned my wall; I wrote about Barry Diller's Universal bid. Post-college, I landed high-profile marketing jobs and made a national "30 under 30" list during the Clinton-era boom.
But secretly, I was miserable. I drank too much at happy hours, yo-yo dieted, battled daily anxiety, panic attacks, and depression—often calling in sick to hide in bed.
In my final role, tasked with building a department from scratch, pride and anxiety isolated me. The New York office pushed to fire me. Instead of fighting, I cried in the bathroom and worked from home as much as possible. Quitting led to freelancing—and accidentally becoming an entrepreneur prioritizing life over endless millions.
I founded Women Online, a social impact marketing agency mobilizing women for good. Small but mighty (under 10 virtual team members), we've powered global campaigns: Obama's team targeting mom bloggers; digital tools promoting Malala and UN girls' education efforts.
Over a decade, I've crafted a life earning solid income and recognition without burnout. I leverage my strengths, nurture introversion, and focus on daily fulfillment over distant glory. One day at the UN, the next digging dirt with my boys. Pitching clients? You'll find me recharging in the ladies' room.
Related: Morra Aarons-Mele on Embracing Your Introvert Nature
I take frequent breaks—even five minutes alone. This balanced life costs: slower growth, less acclaim than peers. But it's my success, and I love it.
The breakthrough? Redefining success—from media mogul to "today." I'm a "hermit entrepreneur" (mostly tongue-in-cheek): working from home in yoga pants.
What if you crafted success on your terms? Enjoyed daily work without endless networking? Distilled business development to essentials while growing? Stayed home more?
You can. Drawing from my experience and those 150+ leaders, here are proven strategies: Define a vision and realistic goals fitting your needs—even modest ones. Build a niche and digital footprint for max impact, minimal time. Price premium for ideal clients/projects. Create a professional franchise securing future opportunities and freedom. Network smartly (few key events). Protect time with boundaries. Recalibrate expectations with bosses, family.
As a business owner with mental health challenges, I've hidden in bathrooms—but turned vulnerability into strength. Harvard's Kim Leary, MD, notes: Tune into emotions, or life dulls. Anxiety fuels empathy, skills, motivation.
Hiding in the bathroom means nurturing your whole self—boundaries over pressure. Slow growth isn't glamorous; peers, accountants, spouses may question it. But hermit pros know: Sustainable joy trumps burnout.
Podcast guests confirm: Introverts with anxiety rewrite rules, blending work and passion. You can too.
Bending over backward exhausts. Better: Paul Graham's "rich, lonely, germinative time"—school drop-offs, gardening, hobbies. Success secret: Grow your career while prioritizing home, minimizing travel/networking.
Related: The Introvert's Guide to Getting Hired
From the book Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert's Roadmap to Getting Out (When You'd Rather Stay Home). Copyright © 2017 by Morra Aarons-Mele. Reproduced with permission from Dey Street Books, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
