No Perfect Mothers Exist: Survey Insights into Dutch Moms' Insecurities

Perfect mothers are a myth. A Roosvicee survey of over 1,100 Dutch mothers with children aged 4-12 reveals key insights into their insecurities, guilt, and authentic parenting choices. The clear takeaway: No one is perfect, and that's perfectly okay.

 

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There Are No Perfect Mothers

As parents, we know this deep down, but it's reassuring to see the data confirm it—especially for moms who view others as flawless. The world would be dull if we were all perfect. Yet, many mothers chase an unattainable ideal, fixating on shortcomings instead of celebrating strengths.

Uncertainty Among Mothers

71.7% of Dutch mothers find child-rearing challenging regularly. Insecurity plays a big role: 55.4% question their parenting weekly. Self-doubt tops the list of sources:

1. Themselves (55.7%)
2. Children's behavior (50.5%)
3. Comparisons with other mothers (22.1%)
4. External expectations set too high (21.8%)
5. Partner (6.7%)

Top 5 uncertainties for Dutch mothers:

1. Handling parenting situations well? (67.6%)
2. Spending enough time with children? (38.2%)
3. Setting sufficient limits? (36.2%)
4. Are my children happy? (33.4%)
5. Being consistent enough? (31%)

Questions like "Am I a good mother?" (28.7%) and "Am I too strict?" (27.4%) also fuel doubt. Rest assured, dear moms—perfection isn't the goal 😉.

Perfect or Not-So-Perfect Mother

• Over 40% strive for 'perfect' motherhood, but no one rates themselves a 10: 42.7% give a 7, 40.5% an 8.
• Mothers don't see others' lives as superior, yet 33.8% compare parenting skills.
• 70% disapprove of social media 'perfect mom' showcases.
• 45.2% say unsolicited advice is off-limits, but 40% admit giving it anyway.
• Nearly 70% have clashed with friends over parenting opinions.

Working Mothers vs. Stay-at-Home Mothers

Working mothers:

• 42% envy the time stay-at-home moms have with kids; 64.7% wouldn't trade their jobs.
• 63.3% support mothers choosing to stay home.
• 43.2% note stay-at-home moms could contribute more to school.

Stay-at-home mothers:

• 34.4% wish they worked; 38.6% prefer staying home.
• 59.1% find combining work and kids 'difficult'.
• 60% understand why others work.

Guilt Feelings Among Mothers

Dutch mothers feel guilty weekly. Top 3 reasons:

1. Always rushing, missing mindful moments with kids.
2. Fearing they can't provide everything.
3. Not enough time for children.

Follow Your Mother's Heart

• Over 70% agree: Following your gut means you're doing well.
• 81.1% usually or always trust their instincts.
• 49.4% regret not listening more, like ignoring gut feelings during illness dismissed by doctors.

This resonates personally. Years ago, my daughter Lotte had a broken wrist for two weeks because the GP dismissed it. I doubted but waited too long to insist on a specialist. They had to re-break it for proper healing 🙁. No one's perfect—trust your instincts next time.