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There are no perfect mothers, so why are so many mothers insecure?

Perfect mothers don't exist. Some time ago, more than 1,100 Dutch mothers with children between the ages of 4 and 12 answered questions about motherhood through a Roosvicee survey. Below you will find the most striking figures about Dutch mothers and their insecurities, feelings of guilt and following their mother's heart. A simple conclusion:there are no perfect mothers, and they don't have to!

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There are no perfect mothers

You and I already knew that, of course, but now also for all those mothers who think that other moms are perfect… you're wrong! And that's a good thing. The world would be boring if we were all equally perfect. Yet many mothers still strive for perfection, focusing on their own 'flaws' rather than their successes.

Uncertainty among mothers

71.7% of Dutch mothers regularly find raising their children difficult. This is partly due to insecurity:55.4% of mothers feel unsure every week whether they are doing well as a mother. This uncertainty often comes from the mothers themselves. The mothers in question indicate that they are insecure because of…

  1. Themselves (55.7%)
  2. Behaviour of the children (50.5%)
  3. Comparisons with other mothers (22.1%)
  4. Bar is set too high by the outside world (21.8%)
  5. Partner (6.7%)

The top 5 uncertainties of Dutch mothers consists of:

  1. Do I handle parenting situations well? (67.6%)
  2. Am I spending enough time with my children? (38.2%)
  3. Am I setting sufficient limits? (36.2%)
  4. Are my children happy? (33.4%)
  5. Am I consistent enough? (31%)

The questions 'Am I a good mother' (28.7%) and 'Am I not too strict?' (27.4%) also create uncertainty. But as I said… don't worry dear mom, because there are no perfect mothers, even if some try so hard 😉 .

Perfect or not perfect mother

  • More than 40% of Dutch mothers try to be a 'perfect mother'. Yet no one gives themselves a perfect 10:42.7% of mothers give themselves a 7 and 40.5% an 8.
  • Fortunately, the grass is not always greener with the 'neighbours', because Dutch mothers do not think that other mothers have a more perfect life than they do. Yet there is a lot of comparison:33.8% of mothers compare her own 'parenting skills' with those of other mothers.
  • Mothers are very bad at other mothers who fully showcase their 'perfect motherhood' via social media channels:7 out of 10 mothers think this is terrible!
  • Give unsolicited advice to other mothers? That is really not possible, according to 45.2% of Dutch mothers. Yet 40% of Dutch mothers sometimes cannot hold back and give advice without other mothers asking for it.
  • There are many opinions about parenting and it turns out to be a sensitive subject… Almost 7 out of 10 girlfriends have had a difference of opinion about parenting!

Working mothers versus non-working mothers

Working mothers

  • Many working mothers are jealous of non-working mothers:42% would like to spend as much time with their children as mothers who do not work. On the other hand, 64.7% of working mothers do not have to think about staying at home.
  • Working mothers do see the benefits of not working:63.3% think it is good that mothers choose to stay at home with their children.
  • “If mothers stay at home, they have more time, so they could do a little more for school”, according to 43.2% of working mothers. Auch.

Non-working mothers

  • Non-working mothers do not all support their choice to be at home:34.4% would also like to work. However, more mothers should not think about getting started:38.6%.
  • Many non-working mothers do not understand how working mothers manage to combine raising their children with a job:59.1% see this as 'difficult'.
  • 60% understand that other mothers want to work.

Guilty feelings among the mothers

Dutch mothers feel guilty once or more every week. The top-3 causes:

  1. I feel guilty because I'm always running and flying and therefore not consciously enjoying my children.
  2. I feel guilty because I'm afraid I can't give my children everything.
  3. I feel guilty for not having enough time for my children.

Follow your mother's heart

  • More than 7 in 10 Dutch mothers agree with the statement 'if you follow your mother's heart, you are doing well'.
  • 81.1% of mothers usually or always follow their mother's heart.
  • But sometimes things go wrong:49.4% of the mothers would have liked to have listened better. For example, at a time when their child was ill, but a GP did not take the situation seriously. Mothers felt that it was not right and regret that they no longer followed their mother's heart.

I recognize the latter very well myself. For example, a few years ago Lotte walked around with a broken wrist for 2 weeks (!) because the GP indicated that he was not broken. However, I had great doubts, but it took 2 weeks before I had the guts to demand a hospital visit. There are no perfect mothers, but I think I should have gone to the doctor less in this case. They had to 'break' her wrist again to make it grow properly again 🙁 .


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