I admit it: When I began my personal growth journey nearly five decades ago, my motivations were selfish. I wanted to grow to achieve success. Maybe that's why you're reading this— you have goals and milestones to reach, and you know growth is essential. I felt the same way.
But here's why I call it a journey: Over time, my motivations evolved. As I grew, my influence expanded—not for my gain, but to lift others. Related: 6 Powerful Influencer Personality Traits
This shift led not just to success, but to profound meaning. Developing others has brought me the greatest joy and fulfillment of my life.
Looking back, it's no surprise this propelled me further. Yet every strength has a flip side. Let me explain both.
Put Others First
As a young leader, I prioritized my vision, focusing on getting buy-in for my plans. That changed when I realized people follow when they trust your motives—when you put them first, not yourself.
People want to know they matter to their leader. They don't want to be mere followers or cogs in a machine; they seek partnership. Partners go the extra mile for each other. When I invested in my team, they reciprocated, filling me with a deep sense of purpose.
Things fade, but people endure. What you pour into others ripples forward, long after you're gone. Related: 3 Ways to Make Your Relationships the Best It Can Be
Organizations say people are their greatest asset, yet leaders often don't act that way. True success measures how many you serve, not how many serve you. Prioritizing people enhances your impact, sharpens your life skills, and opens learning from others.
When people come first, adding value becomes your lifestyle because you genuinely value them.
But here's the flip side:
Don't Let Others Control You
Early in my marriage and ministry career, my wife Margaret and I had few resources. We befriended Jack and Helen, a generous couple who treated us to dinners weekly. It was a highlight we couldn't afford ourselves. We were deeply grateful.
After three years, I accepted a leadership role at a larger church—a major opportunity. When I shared the news, Jack reacted poorly: "John, how can you leave after all I've done for you?" That's when I saw he was keeping score, subtly gaining control.
It was a wake-up call. I vowed to always give more than I receive in relationships—and never keep score. Related: 4 Important Truths of Lasting Relationships
From then on, I never let team members pick up the check. I chose the giving side.
I still receive generously from others—I'm profoundly blessed. But I won't surrender control. Unconditional giving fosters freedom for you and those you serve.
As a leader, ensure no one owns you by outgiving. Assess key relationships: Are you the giver, taker, or balanced? If you're taking more, adjust by adding value without scorekeeping.
This applies to family, friends, and work. Outperform your pay, and you'll gain appreciation, add greater value, and move freely to new opportunities knowing you gave your best.
