One of Jodi R.R. Smith's favorite quotes comes from a 1911 textbook titled Polite Questions for Little Men and Women: "That the morals of children today are not what they should be or even what they were a generation ago, is an indisputable fact." These words predate cellphones at weddings, but Smith, a former HR executive turned founder of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting in Boston, insists the notion that rudeness is a millennial problem is utterly wrong. "Being rude or socially oblivious isn't limited to any generation," she says.
Smith has coached professionals through failed promotions, toxic bosses, and office romances for businesses and universities. "These are often brilliant people who struggle with interpersonal dynamics," she notes. Workplaces have evolved—more remote work, perks like Pixar's beach volleyball courts—but core professional rules remain timeless, much like baseball conventions: run to first base to keep the team smooth. "It's not rocket science," Smith adds, "but common sense isn't always common." Here are her top eight tips for acing workplace etiquette.
Related: 7 tips for being the right kind of professional at work
Handle your phone like a pro: The person in front of you always wins. "The moment you glance at your device, you're signaling they're not important," Smith warns—true for meetings, dates, or dinners. If interrupted, step away politely: "I'll need to take this." Exceptions? Critical info only, like a Heimlich maneuver lookup.
Avoid the phone as a security blanket: Don't default to scrolling when idle, especially at networking events. "You'll miss valuable connections," Smith advises. Wait unless it's urgent.
Navigate drinks professionally: Every interaction has a host who leads—like ballroom dancing. Follow your boss's cues or set them yourself. The host covers the tab. Limit to one or two drinks with carbs to stay sharp. "Getting drunk never enhances your professionalism," she says.
Write honest references: Tailor to your comfort level. Omit glowing adverbs for average performers, focus on specifics they provide, or politely decline if nothing positive comes to mind (confirming employment dates only is a red flag). "Someone who doesn't fit here might thrive elsewhere," Smith notes.
Spot flirting vs. productive collaboration: Know the difference: professional rapport is fine; fixating on weekends isn't. Check company policy before pursuing. Office romances can lead to marriages, but one-night stands rarely end well. Proceed thoughtfully.
Know when to disconnect: Step away from 24/7 work. Distinguish urgent from "important." "Etiquette isn't life-or-death," Smith laughs.
